Dreams of worlds away

It's hard sometimes, about two years ago I realised I needed a new challenge and not long after I made a decision to follow a different path. From roaming the world chasing cattle, walking trails, exploring beaches and serving coffees I went to academic texts and classrooms. The first few months I thought I'd get used to it again, I'd learn how to concentrate on dry matter and read these texts again. Sometimes I still do, until it dawns on me again that I will probably never get used to it. I'll always feel the pull of somewhere else. 

People warned me you know: "you'll never come back if you leave now, you'll never go back to school again, it's such a shame!" Turns out that was never the problem for me. I've always been insatiably curious and easily bored. Even travel did that to me after a while. Curiosity sent me back into these classrooms with a stronger drive than I'd ever felt before. "See? Don't tell me what I can or cannot do" I told them, "I'm the master of my own life, of my choices. Not fate or passive existence". However, what I never realised was that with age you become less malleable. Mainstream university courses are designed for younger, more malleable students. Students who haven't got it all figured out yet. Students who can still easily find a place for an anthropologist version of themselves to fit with all their other aspects. And all I feel all day is as if I'm trying to walk with four legs instead of two, as if I'm posing as someone else. But it works, I take from it what I can use, but it's hard sometimes. Harder than I would like, and then I ache back for those easier days walking trails and exploring beaches. Chasing cattle and serving coffees. And I find it hard to remember why I had to start a new challenge in the first place.